Winning Big, Yet Feeling Lost: When Achieving your Super Bowl just Isn’t Enough, with Clint Gresham

by | Feb 6, 2019 | podcast | 0 comments

We are all chasing a Super Bowl in some capacity.

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About This Episode

Growing up in Texas, Clint Gresham knew that football was life. It rooted friendships, reputations, and communities. His father played football at the University of Texas and, even at age ten, he vividly remembers the surge of energy when he first walked into the stadium of the Texas Longhorns. In middle school he transferred from a small, private school to the local public school with the hopes of playing with a bigger team. It wasn’t until high school, however, that he found his niche as a long-snapper. He excelled at this specialized position and opportunities to play collegiate football began popping up. At that point, he never considered playing in the NFL, but one thing led to another and there he found himself. As Clint likes to say, “football seemed to happen to me.”

In 2010, Gresham was the only long snapper invited to the NFL combine and he began to realize that he had a real shot at playing professionally. Initially drafted by the Saints, he only lasted three-months on the team before being released. He packed his bags and drove back to Texas, fully convinced that his professional career was over. Soon after, however, he got a call from the Seattle Seahawks and was on a plane to his next team. Clint shares that his first few months in the NFL were incredibly lonely. Paying rent month to month, living in a new city, and unsure how long his contract would last were all difficult things to deal with. Despite the initial insecurity, the 2012-2015 years with the Seahawks picked up speed and went by like a blur. The team picked up momentum, made the playoffs, and Gresham soon found himself standing on the field for Super Bowl XLVIII.

The Seahawks entered as underdogs to the Denver Broncos, yet walked away Champions. Gresham shares that he and his teammates waited months for the victory to “sink in,” but soon realized that “what we were actually waiting for was for it to make us happy.” When it hadn’t made him happy, Clint found himself afraid because he had made winning the Super Bowl his life’s work – and it still wasn’t enough. It really struck him that “we are all chasing a Super Bowl in some capacity”, realizing that without something else giving him value and identity he would never be satisfied.

This revelation would be key the following year as he found himself standing, yet again, on the field for Super Bowl XLVIIII. Unfortunately, though, an interception thrown in the endzone on the final play of the game would leave the Seahawks shocked and devastated. No one saw that coming. Clint reflects on the locker room after that game when the coaches had very little words to share and, instead, turned to him to pray for the team. The weight of the game, the anticipation, and the blow of the loss left him nearly speechless – he just wanted to relieve everyone of the pain of disappointment. But it was in that moment that he had a revelation: too often he was using his faith in God as an “out” for uncomfortable experiences. He realized that rather than allowing ourselves to feel the pain, we try to relieve it through external means, which for many means some sort of addiction or distortion. Although he wanted to pray the pain away, he knew that each player on the team would need to face that loss, accept it, and move on.

With the loss behind him, Clint took another three year contract with the Seahawks, but was released only one year into it. He shares that, in retrospect, he felt “battle fatigue” from the emotional rollercoaster of his career. He had an intense few years and even though he didn’t want to admit it, he needed a break. He kept in shape, though, as he wanted to be prepared for a call back to the NFL. And that call did come… the day after he learned that he had torn a muscle and wouldn’t be able to play. The decision had been made already for him to hang up his cleats and be done and he turned down the offer.

Though disappointed with ending his career, Gresham and his wife, Matti, looked forward to returning to their home state of Texas. He met Matti his first year in Seattle as a Young Life leader in the community. On a weekly basis he mentored around 100 middle and high school students through this Christian organization. As they got settled in Texas, he took the opportunity to get an MRI by an organization that grants brain scans to retired football players in hopes to raise awareness and treatment for concussions. For Clint, this scan would be critical as doctors discovered a tumor in a gland behind his ear. He sat in the waiting room with his wife, who was six months pregnant, fearing for the worst. Though the biopsy came back benign, there was an urgency to get the tumor removed. He underwent surgery just one week before his daughter was due and after the procedure learned that it was one of the most difficult and complicated tumor removals that the specialist had ever performed. The road to recovery wasn’t easy, either. While his wife was in labor to deliver their daughter, Clint was in the ER a few floors away being treated for an infection.

Thankfully he made it for her delivery and says that, although it’s cliche, his daughter has changed his life completely. Today he enjoys being a father and sharing his journey with others. He released his book, Becoming, in hopes of helping others through their own journeys of self-discovery. Working through his own reckoning after retirement, he sees others struggling with wondering “is this really all there is.” This book, and its corresponding workbook, help people to develop positive affirmations that support a healthy identity and Biblical worldview. Clint is passionate about taking what he has learned and developing practical applications for Biblical principles for living, especially for young people.

Read Episode Transcript

Laura:

[00:00:04] Welcome to the Hope Sports Podcast where each week athletes share about on field experiences that shape their careers in the off-field moments that bring them purpose. I’m your host Olympic gold medalist Laura Wilkinson. This week you were in for a real treat as we have Super Bowl champion Clint Gresham joining us. As a former Seattle Seahawks long snapper. Clint played him back to back Super Bowls and he shares about how he had to come to grips with his unexpected reactions to both victory and defeat. He has such a balanced and well-rounded perspective that has developed out of some pretty incredible highs and devastating lows. It’s definitely a perspective that I needed to hear and I’m excited for you to discover as well. So without further ado here is his impactful story.

 

[00:00:51] Clint Gresham Thank you so much for being on the hope sports podcast today.

 

Clint:

[00:00:55] Yeah. Thank you for having me.

 

Laura:

[00:00:57] Now for those of us who don’t know how awesome you are. Can you tell us a little bit about your background and kind of how you got your start in football?

 

Clint:

[00:01:04] Yeah. So I grew up in Texas and which meant that if I wanted to have friends I had to play football. That’s the thing to do in Texas. And my dad played football at the University of Texas back in the 70s and he played with a guy named Earl Campbell who was an absolute legend in college and professionally. And I remember being a kid and going to UT football camps and go into games when I was a kid and just being so overwhelmed at the magnitude of what these guys were doing. And.

 

Laura:

[00:01:40] That registered for you that young like you understood the magnitude of it?

 

Clint:

[00:01:45] Well going into their Royal Stadium in Austin and there are 80,000 people there and I’m 10 years old. I mean it was just an overwhelming experience and I had a couple of times where I had met a couple of the Longhorn football players. And so I just I fell in love with the game and ended up transferring to a public school so that I could play football and 7th and 8th grade. Because my private Christian school we didn’t have football. And yeah it was kind of just one of those things that as I went I started to love it more and more and. I think a lot of it is I felt like football happened to me. I was just kind of in the right place at the right time and I kind of look around and it’s like now all of a sudden I’m playing professionally and playing in a couple of Super Bowls and it was all kind of a blur. But I feel really really thankful for everything that I’ve picked up along the way.

 

Laura:

[00:02:45] Yeah. And for people who aren’t familiar with how big football is in Texas, I’m a Texas girl and I mean there’s a Texas high school football magazine. So it is a big deal here. I get that.

 

Clint:

[00:02:57] Yeah. There’s a high school just up the road from us in Allen, Texas. And they’ve got like a 90 million dollar stadium like for a High School.

 

Laura:

[00:03:05] For the high school? Holy cow! Wow!

 

Clint:

[00:03:07] Yeah. So.

 

Laura:

[00:03:10] So Okay.

 

Clint:

[00:03:10] That’s not a joke.

 

Laura:

[00:03:11] No. It’s definitely not a joke. Now. So those awesome overwhelming early days in the Big Utah stadium and hook them for all our Austin people out there and a Longhorn also. Did you? I mean from that point. Did you dream of being in the NFL or it was just playing football and that’s what you wanted to do?

 

Clint:

[00:03:31] I think every kid dream but every boy dreams of being in the NFL just like every kid wants to be an astronaut. That thing. I wanted to play football in college and I don’t know if I ever really thought past that and once I got into high school I started to kind of figure out my niche. I was a long snapper so I realized I was pretty good at that. In my times were comparable to professional players. And I think that I thought that I could have a shot once I got into high school. And was kind of surprised that it actually worked out.

 

 

Laura:

[00:04:13] So how did it actually play out? Like how did you land that spot in the NFL? And was that kind of everything you had hoped it would be?

 

Clint:

[00:04:21] I was the only long snapper invited to the NFL scouting combine in 2010. And I remember thinking that that was like pretty incredible. Like obviously opportunity but just thinking like wow like they couldn’t find another guy to come and compete with me like I must have a shot of this. And my rookie year was incredibly incredibly hard. I was living by myself and kind of like a month to month apartment situation. I started my career with the Saints and I was only there for three months and one day in a training camp. I got released and I thought that my football career was over. And I drive back to Fort Worth, Texas back to where I was living at the time. And then the Seahawks called me and told me they’d picked up my contract and so I flew out to Seattle and was very very alone when I was out there.

 

And I think I was not ready for what that was gonna look like. I had some community when I was in college but as far as like was it everything that I dreamed of I would say no. I think that it’s pretty rare that somebody gets their dream and thinks that this is everything that I thought it was going to be because usually, it’s not. When we won Super Bowl 48 it was a good six months that all of us were saying I keep waiting for it to sink in that we won the Super Bowl. And that year when we beat the Broncos we beat them 43 to 8. I mean just absolutely crushed them and everybody had the Broncos pick to win. And we just took them apart. But for 6 months we all kept saying I keep waiting for it to sink in that we won the Super Bowl and I realized what all of us meant by that was not. I keep waiting for it to sink in but I keep waiting for this thing to make me happy like I thought it would. And it hasn’t. And now I’m actually kind of scared because I’ve made this my life’s pursuit.

 

[00:06:32] So. All of us here are chasing a Super Bowl in some capacity. I mean maybe if you’re a sales person I want to get this many sales or whatever your dream or goal is. I think that’s one thing that I picked up when I was playing with that one. We never really talked about wins and losses like the night before Super Bowl 48 and Super Bowl 49 really played against the Patriots. We didn’t even talk about the other team. We talked about things that we could control like our effort of preparation, enthusiasm, and by focusing on the things that we could control the outcome sort of taking care of themselves. And so I always encourage people to focus on the process. Focus on those kinds of things because to try and gather your sense of joy and happiness to a particular outcome is either going to blow you apart if you don’t get it or it’s going to fill you with so much zeal. That it’s like a drug that you’re not going to have any drive once you achieve it. So yeah.

 

Laura:

[00:07:38] Mm-hmm. Such good wisdom. Such good advice and wisdom. I love that. Well, and so you kind of like just leading into the next thing I was gonna ask you is you won Super Bowl 48. And I know you wrote a really good blog post about what that was like and what it taught you about work ethic. And then the next year was a totally different outcome. Can you kind of take us through the extremes of both of those? And what that was like and what went through your head? And kind of like you mentioned you guys were asking for 6 months like when’s it going to sink in. And then you had to get back up and do it again. So can you kind of take us through that whole like two seasons?

 

Clint:

[00:08:21] Yeah. It was a never ending ride. I mean I feel like the 2012 season we drafted Russell Wilson and we end up going to the playoffs for the first time and I think like 5 seasons or something. And that season all the way through like the 2015 season just felt like one long season. Because 2012 led in 2013 we end up going to the Super Bowl we win the Super Bowl and then all the stuff that comes with winning the Super Bowl. I mean you’re talked about everywhere.

 

Laura:

[00:09:00] So there’s a big trade too. Right? Like kind of all the crazy things. Right?

 

Clint:

[00:09:04] Oh yeah. Yeah. The parade was insane. We had a million people in downtown Seattle. It was like 35 degrees outside and it was a bizarre experience. We were driving on these giant military tracks. And I remember I was standing on top of the roof of one of these military trucks and I’m like 15 feet off the ground. And we pull up to this intersection and you can see down the road like going all four directions and it’s like three blocks deep. It’s just a sea of people. And it’s bizarre.

 

[00:09:43] And so like everything that came with that was absolutely overwhelming and then going into the next season we start off to remember what we started off. I know that we didn’t start off that season well but we end up making it back to the Super Bowl and we’re playing against the Patriots. We’re on the one-yard line we’re about to win back to back Super Bowls. And then we throw an interception and we lose the game in the end zone. And it was such a just debilitating moment. I remember I didn’t even see it happen when the interception was thrown. And when I saw realized what had happened I literally fell to the ground because it was just like you feel so much weight like the two weeks leading up to the Super Bowl. But then just the weight of the previous several seasons. And I remember we walk into the locker room and some guys are not handling it well and our head coach says a couple of words to the team. Then he looks at me and he’s like okay Gresh. Go ahead and pray for us now.

 

[00:10:47] And I’m completely at a loss for words like oh my gosh like what can I possibly say here that’s going to make this moment not be painful. And I kind of felt like the internal pressure of. I’m trying to relieve everyone from this sense of pain. And in retrospect, I think that that thought is really profound because like the second time we start running from our pain is usually when we get addicted to something? That’s what addiction is all about. Like you feel something uncomfortable on the inside of you. So you looked at something external to make that pain go away. And really what we need to do at that moment was just accept it and feel it and not try and run from it. Just learn how to be comfortable being uncomfortable because that’s the only way that we grow. And just personally like I had realized that that’s kind of a pattern in my life. And it kind of used God as this escape of I’m just gonna pray the pain away. And what I really wanna do is just learn how to be OK with it and have the courage to deal with it because it’s only there that we grow and become stronger. So it was kind of a profound learning moment for me and I think for our team as well so I have to ask you I mean what did what did you say what did you pray said Jesus please curse the Patriots.

 

Laura:

[00:12:09] So, I have to ask you. I mean what did what did you say? What did you pray?

 

Clint:

[00:12:14] I said Jesus please curse the Patriots. I don’t know. I blacked out. I have no idea what I said. I’m sure it was not a very eloquent prayer. But it was yeah just that we would learn from this and move on. But you know it’s like anything that you say it’s not gonna really make it go away. So yeah. Being comfortable with the uncomfortable is really. That’s the sweet spot. If I can just be okay with it man you’re unstoppable on that faith.

 

Laura:

[00:12:53] So well said. So well said. Well now after that I know the Seahawks sign you to a 3-year contract but you were released after just a year. Did you kind of see that coming? Or was that a surprise? And how did you deal with that?

 

Clint:

[00:13:10] I didn’t have a great season and the 2015 season. Like I mentioned earlier it just felt like 2012 to 2015 was just one long season and. You know people end up getting battle fatigue or just like I can’t do this another day. And I think that that was starting to happen with me where I felt like I just couldn’t do anything to really get to the place that I was expected to be. Looking back I can see that pretty clearly at the moment it was totally surprising. And I kind of thought that they were gonna be bringing me back and didn’t really end up happening. I actually ended up getting a call from them right at the end of the season. Because their long snapper went on I R and they needed somebody to come and play for them for the playoff game against the Lions. And I had actually found out the day before that I had torn my labrum in my shoulder. And was gonna be able to take them up on that. And so, that was really challenging because I had been stand ready and tried to be prepared for that opportunity because I felt like it was gonna be inevitable. But yeah. The Lords seem to have closed that door and just had to trust him through that.

 

Laura:

[00:14:44] Well, so what point in all of this did you meet your sweet wife Maddie?

 

Clint:

[00:14:49] We met. That was in 2012 was the first time that we met. We were both Young Life leaders and Young Life was a huge part of who I was when I was playing football up in Seattle. I had a house up there and we had meetings every week and it was right next to the high school. And so Young Life is a ministry for high school kids and middle school kids. And we would probably have like 100 kids a week come into our house for Bible study or run my club and refuge a fellow leader.

 

[00:15:28] Yeah it was. That was awesome kind of just getting to grow together. Like while we were both doing Young Life and. I think the best thing about it was that the first time I met her I saw her from across the room and I just see this tall beautiful brunette and she’s talking the was Texan accent. I’m like oh my goodness! I gonna have that girl. And come to find out she’s from Texas also. Like what are you doing up here? Well, she grew up in Lubbock and so I found the Texas gal up in Seattle. So it made moving back to Texas once my football career was over. A pretty easy decision.

 

Laura:

[00:16:06] That’s awesome. I love it. Well so now the NFL Players Association they have a new program called The Trust. Where they do a brain and body scan and it was launched to help ex-players with their health after football. And I think just this past May right? You decided to take advantage of that. What did they find?

 

Clint:

[00:16:27] Yes. I kind of felt this bump like behind my ear for a while and I’d ask the doctor about it and he said it was just a cyst or something and I just couldn’t think about it. And I started to notice kind of cognitive things that I thought might have been related to concussions or something. And so I went and I did this thing and they took an MRI of my head. And I’m sitting in this chair looking at the computer screen and she shows the MRI. And we find this huge mass that’s right where that little bump was. And I’m looking at this thing thinking what the heck is that? And the doctor looks at me and she kind of panics for a second. She’s like I need to go get the other doctor and she storms out of the room and I’m sitting there with my 6 months pregnant wife thinking, oh my gosh I’ve got brain cancer or something.

 

[00:17:26] I have no idea. And doctor comes back in and he kind of calms us down. He says well we want to do a biopsy and just check out what it was. And the biopsy came back benign which we are really thankful of. And the doctor kind of said Hey like you need to get this removed at some point. No pressure kind of do it when whenever. And kind of forgot about it at that point. And when we got back to Texas I had reached out to a doctor to just have him check it out. The doctors that they referred me to. He had a little bit more urgency about it and she was saying hey we should get this removed left untreated this particular kind of tumor which was in my carotid glands. So thankfully it had not metastasized and gotten into my brain. He said that this particular kind of tumor can get bad really fast. So we end up removing it and we had it removed a week before our little girl was born.

 

Laura:

[00:18:37] A week before? Oh my goodness!

 

Clint:

[00:18:38] A week before. Yeah. I had woken up after the surgery the doctor said that was one of the most difficult tumors I’ve ever had to remove. The tumor was completely wrapped around your facial nerve. So there was a very high risk of having facial paralysis. And it’s like all you need is a little bit of facial paralysis to feel insecure. Right?

 

Laura:

Right.

 

Clint:

[00:19:05] Like just a little bit to just be conscious of it all the time. And so, thankfully he got that all removed. But it was it was a terrifying experience. I mean you know you hear the word tumor and you go to the worst case scenario. And here I am a week before our little girl is about to be born and you can just go to a scary place and thankfully I have.

 

Laura:

[00:19:30] How do you not go to the scary place? Like how did your wife handle all of this? I cannot imagine you have a kid your husband’s undergoing brain surgery which I’m sure in the most mundane brain surgery is not safe you know.

 

Clint:

[00:19:44] And thankfully it wasn’t brain surgery. They didn’t have to get into my skull. It was on the outside of my skull thankfully. But just the same like it’s still terrifying. It’s still a tumor. It’s still you know the possibility of cancer and all of that. And actually, the day that my wife went into labor we were in the hospital that night. And I found out that the two that I. Well I’ll say I started to notice some pain on my surgery site. And so I went. I talked to the nurse and I said Hey can you just take a look at this thing? This is. I had this surgery done last week and she looks at issues like I think that looks infected you should go to theE.R. to have it looked at. And so my wife was asleep at the time and because we were gonna be going into labor the next day. And I was just going to try and sneak down there because I didn’t want to scare her.

 

[00:20:46] And the doctor looks at it and sure enough the surgery side got infected. And so I’m like laying on my back and I’ve got an IV on my arm of antibiotics. And are giving me morphine because I was on a ton of pain. And then probably 30 minutes after I left to go down there my wife text me. She says I’m going into labor right now. Where are you?

 

Laura:

[00:21:09] Oh my goodness.

 

Clint:

[00:21:11] I’m like well I’m just out walking around and like I was trying to not tell her what was happening. And finally, after you know an hour or so I had to tell her like hey this thing kind of got a little scary. I’ll be up as soon as I can and thankfully got everything covered and was able to be there for the delivery. But it was an intense night for sure.

 

Laura:

[00:21:35] Man I cannot even imagine. Yes from both of your perspectives. At least you both weren’t on the hospital bed together in the same room. Just not. You can’t make up stories that good. So how is your little baby now?

 

Clint:

[00:21:51] She’s amazing and has tapped into a part of my soul I didn’t even know I had. It’s been the best! Has totally changed like who I am and how I see God and I see the world. I remember my parents saying like something happens to you when you have a kid. And you know when you’re a kid and a young adult you hear cliches like that all the time. And you kind of roll your eyes at it and then it happens to you. And it’s all of a sudden everything makes sense and it’s been beautiful and we’ve loved it. It brought our family together. Brought my wife and I closer. And yeah we wouldn’t change a thing. She’s sleeping well. Her life is good.

 

Laura:

[00:22:50] Congratulations! That is so so awesome. Being a parent is definitely I think the best thing on the planet.

 

Clint:

[00:22:57] Yeah. No kidding.

 

Laura:

[00:22:59] So today. Now you are an international speaker and the best selling author. I would love for you to tell us about your book Becoming Loving The Process To Wholeness. Because I’m itching to get it. And I want the workbook and I want the I-talk. Like please tell us about all of these things that you’ve created? Because now I think they’re so so good.

 

Clint:

[00:23:19] Yeah. So I started writing the book shortly after I’d gotten released. And the reason that I chose the word Becoming because that word is an adjective and it’s also a verb. We are all becoming something. But to be becoming is to be attractive. And so what does that look like to like who you are when you haven’t become the person you feel like you’re supposed to be. And I think all of us can find us in that place of feeling frustrated about how much we have in front of us. And we see everybody’s kind of perfectly manicured versions of their lives on social media. And we compare everybody else’s highlight reel to the entirety of our lives. And it can be frustrating like I can find myself in that place. And so the book helps people embrace the process build their life on an identity that can’t be taken away from you. Because ultimately anything that we place our sense of wars and that can be taken away whether it’s wealth or status or whatever it is it’s gonna create a very fragile life. And when I look at people that I have played with I mean all of us got to the top. I mean there’s no higher that you can get. And then when you look at the statistics of ex NFL players and I would say it’s even broader than NFL players. I mean ex-athletes. I mean people who have gotten to the top and have made it their life’s pursuit. Once they’re done with that there can be this reckoning that happens where is this really all that there is. And I went through that like even knowing that I could say or preach a message that my identity is not in football. My identity is and who God says that I am inevitably any of us are going to put some of our sense of worth in what we do. It’s just that’s just how it is.

 

[00:25:23] And so the book will help guard people from that. Because it’s one of those things that we don’t realize that we’re doing it and we assume that we’re OK until it happens. And I feel thankful because I was kind of forced into OK who am I really 30 years before a lot of my peers? So it kind of just gave me a unique perspective about life and yeah there’s a workbook that goes along with it. And then I talk cards that I created there biblically based acclimation to train our self so that we think like God thinks and see our situation as God sees it. So this deck of 52 cards and on one side is an affirmation. And the other side is the scripture that supports that truth and I’m looking at one of these right now says I let others make mistakes. And on the other side of it is from the message version that’s Matthew 17 says don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, or criticize their faults unless of course you want the same treatment.

 

[00:26:30] So I am OK giving people Grace because I also wanna have grace. And so it’s just a practical way to get the principles of the world into our hearts so that we can live from those principles. And I’ve realized that they’re really helpful with teaching kids kind of what’s going on behind scripture because I think it’s great to memorize scripture. What’s more important is to have this scripture inside of us so that it actually affects our lives. And you know like I don’t want the words but I want change in my life. So yeah. That’s all.

 

Laura:

[00:27:06] That is awesome. Well yes. And please tell us where can we get our copy? Because as soon as we get off of this interview I’m getting my copy. So where can we go to get a copy of Becoming and where else can we follow you online?

 

Clint:

[00:27:19] Clintgresham.com is my website where people can pick up my stuff from my blog or book for opportunities and seeking events. And I want Instagram Facebook and Twitter and all that stuff. So. I’m pretty easy to find out there @gresh49.

 

Laura:

[00:27:41] Awesome. Well thank you Clint so much for being on today and we are just excited to continue to follow your journey and learn from all of your wisdom.

 

Clint:

[00:27:49] Yeah. Thank you for having me.

 

Laura:

[00:27:53] Thanks to Clint for joining me on today’s episode. I love his advice to focus on the pieces of our journey that we can control. Clearly, that perspective carried him through some incredibly intense experiences. And although we might not all be prepping for a Super Bowl there are challenges that we all have to walk through and like he phrased so perfectly. We can’t tether ourselves to the outcome. Check out more from Clint on his awesome blog which I love along with his book and web site. All of those details you can find in the show notes in hopesports.org where you can find all of our past conversations. On the next episode, we have 4 times Iditarod champion Dallas Seavey sharing about what it was like to become the youngest person ever to win that event. You won’t want to miss it. So be sure to subscribe wherever you listen. And please leave us a review because those reviews help us continue to get awesome guests on this show to keep inspiring you. I’m Laura Wilkinson. Thanks again for listening. This podcast is produced by Evo Terra and similar media.

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